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February 27th, 2008

12:34 pm - OMG HELLO
So here is a random LJ post...I swear MYSPACE IS A VAMPIRE....for some reason i dont want to leave livejournal behind though.

Voodoo is laying at my feet as I type this...he always does that since I set up the art desk.... it's one of my many tiny little pleasures.

Anyways what is going now is I am still in Florida with my lovely librarian.

We have Voodoo who is getting over having tummy parasites from being outside.

We splurged around and on X-mas and got the following:
A USB turntable that turns all your vinyl into mp3s
A PS2 (the reissued ones that are sleek) for Guitar Hero 3 Grand Theft Auto and Manhunt 2
A WII which we LOVE... we have the general sports games, Super Mario Brothers and Trauma Center:New Blood which is a realistic surgery game that I am obsessed with whenever I get into my WII fits. Oh and we use the internet to watch youtube on the tv which is AWESOME!
Various DVDS which I can't even begin to name since we get so many coming and going it's hard to remember

So since we splurged we are a little tight because new car payments are a bitch and two times our bank account was only 3 dollars short for rent so the checks bounced and THATS 75 BUCKS so we owed big moolah to the Nazis in the office who act like they are going to kick out their meal ticket tenants. They are giving people 2 MONTHS FREE RENT now from apartments only a tiny bit smaller than ours and they are paying $250 less than us!!!! They are having problems getting people to move in here, we bounce 2 times by accident after holidays and they threaten to kick us out in 3 days if we didn't pay?!?!?!?!? THAT'S NOT EVEN LEGAL!!!!! They use language to scare people to sound like they can kick us out in 3 days but it's a fact that you have 30 days if you are evicted by law. Thank god we had the money (barely) so now we are skimping on our cable and other things.

I have been looking for a job close to us that isn't fast food. I have been a baby about that because I just know how much it will effect me. I honestly don't think it's good for my sanity to work in the food service industry. But I might have to suck it up and do it. I don't know if I am that strong right now though to really deal with that shit. So I am really working at trying to get something better right now before last resorts.

The only thing is the economy is so shitty alot of places are just not hiring.

So today I am trying to get everything all nice and typed up and exact so I can send in resumes to the nice places that are kind of close.

I am not looking forward to walking/biking in the heat of the summer but who knows maybe the hours will be so that I can just use the car.
Just some simple part time job would be good until I can get a nicer full time one.

All this has really been a stress on us. I mean in general things are great with us. We are in the deepest love and our rediscovering our talents in art and music. We by now means have a shitty life. I have a wonderful magic kitty, a blessed apartment that is around awesome nature in a great part of town, my man has a great job that he loves...the future is grand. The NOW is grand. It's only the financial things that eat at our nerves.

It's only the MAN trying to keep us down!!!!

But before you click and see it please let me state that it is in sections. Each section connects to the next, and they are all related. Don't watch this movie if you are prone to schizophrenic paranoia or any kind of super severe depression....
Try not to watch it on psychedelics if you are sensitive/empathetic.
IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO GRAPHIC IMAGERY/PAIN THERE IS A FAST FORWARD FOR A REASON...(This warning is for the DVD release not necessarily the web release)

I am only stating this because when I watched it, with a couple drinks, I still felt ANGRY, UPSET AND SICK....but that is just because I am a good natured person who is HIGHLY empathetic/sensitive to energy. This movie goes beyond silly politics. I am in the process of finding sites to cites every claim this film makes which I am sure won't take too long because alot of the information I already knew...they just connected all the friggin dots and made me go "GOD DAMMIT I KNEW I WAS RIGHT!"

So with that all that hulabaloo go here---->>>http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

I know a lot of you might already go "Pssssh I knew that!" when you watch parts of it....I know I did... but the thing I love about this movie is it clearly gives good information in a easy to consume fashion. In short it is made as a learning tool. On the site they talk about Z-DAY where people will show the movie at all different kinds of venues...even in their homes. I am careful who I show it to around me because I know that some people just are not ready for the truth. My mom, for example, would not benefit from seeing this. She needs to focus on just her. And in the end we all do....just remember that. All you can do is good around you. Pay off your debts, don't invest in big banks, don't use credit cards, ect...that is how we can hit the man where he hurts. You of course must play the game of life, but it doesn't mean you have to play fair! (Like they are anyways hehehe)

Okay enough ranting on the real world...it's time for me to share some pictures
...under the cut.

me drawing on Darkness's back

Current Location: sunny florida
Current Music: goldfrapp collection/beatles

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February 6th, 2008

05:07 am - sTIGMA

Funny how all my power can go out of the window with one word. How so stupid and so weak...but I cant help it. 

What am I to do? Shave the excess fat off of me in order to please those around me? Believe me, if I could without staining the carpet right now I so would.  


and make it sound like I was some intelligent overweight person.  I just don't have the energy. All I have to say is yeah it's hard, yeah I'm not eating chicken fried donuts after this and drowning my tears I'm trying god dammit it's not like we can all run around with a big "UNDER CONSTRUCTION" banner running across our entire bodies and divert peoples attention to the skinner person we see ourselves on the inside as.

Going outsde is like a harsh reality check always reminding you and trying to drag you down over and over and over and over

I guess on the bright side I would be the last one anyone would try to kidnap.

/end emo self loathing script
/start mask phase

Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: saline

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12:19 am - Writer's Block: Chinese New Year
2008 is the Year of the Rat. Which animal year were you born in?
 yes I am a rat...lurking for old poetry....

shut up block you dont know how busy I am!

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January 21st, 2008

08:40 pm - Updates or something like it
I know I have let this thing get dusty. It is a long complicated story about why...mostly it is distraction. We were helping someone out here and I think it was draining me. 

Our cars battery is also dead and I think the alternator is kaput. We don't have any money really until Wedsday so pretty much I am stranded. It 's really not too big of a deal but it stresses Matt out and I hate it when he is stressed out. I do my best to cheer him up but I can only do so much.

I'm sure we will get through this...and what do you know just today I heard on the news that today is the peak of depression some studies say. They call it "Blue Monday"...I was alright and fine until the whole car thing.

Now The laptop wont connect to the wireless...grrrrr...

Oh BTW I love my Wii...I was lucky to get one for xmas.


WIRELESS COMPUTER SIGNALS WORK FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Democratic Debate

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December 19th, 2007

Last night at 9:55pm EST in SW Florida, Comcast engaged in an unacceptable form of censorship. Ron Paul's illuminating interview on Glenn Beck was pre-empted by a fucking infomercial! This is completely unacceptable,

read more | digg story

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December 5th, 2007

08:53 pm - Jen and Charlie

Originally uploaded by voodoocupcake
Neighbors....good times

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November 21st, 2007

04:11 pm - Tickle Me Emo/Elmo -

OMG I LOVE THIS...Brooke my 11 year old soul sister showed me this!!! She is soooooooooo awesome!

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November 14th, 2007

Okay it's not murder by the law but to me it is and I hope the parents who did this rot in hell and their daughter kills herself/gets aids/gets hit by a car/ JUST FUCKING DIES...THEY DESERVE THE PAIN!!!!!!


A real person, a real death

By Steve Pokin
Tuesday, November 13, 2007 2:55 PM CST

Roy Sykes photos Tina and Ron Meier look up at the mausoleum gravesite of their daughter Megan, who would have been 15 on Nov. 6.
His name was Josh Evans. He was 16 years old. And he was hot.

"Mom! Mom! Mom! Look at him!" Tina Meier recalls her daughter saying.

Josh had contacted Megan Meier through her MySpace page and wanted to be added as a friend.Yes, he's cute, Tina Meier told her daughter. "Do you know who he is?"

"No, but look at him! He's hot! Please, please, can I add him?"

Mom said yes. And for six weeks Megan and Josh - under Tina's watchful eye - became acquainted in the virtual world of MySpace.

Josh said he was born in Florida and recently had moved to O'Fallon. He was homeschooled. He played the guitar and drums.

He was from a broken home: "when i was 7 my dad left me and my mom and my older brother and my newborn brother 3 boys god i know poor mom yeah she had such a hard time when we were younger finding work to pay for us after he loeft."

As for 13-year-old Megan, of Dardenne Prairie, this is how she expressed who she was:

M is for Modern

E is for Enthusiastic

G is for Goofy

A is for Alluring

N is for Neglected.

She loved swimming, boating, fishing, dogs, rap music and boys. But her life had not always been easy, her mother says.

She was heavy and for years had tried to lose weight. She had attention deficit disorder and battled depression. Back in third grade she had talked about suicide, Tina says, and ever since had seen a therapist.

But things were going exceptionally well. She had shed 20 pounds, getting down to 175. She was 5 foot 5½ inches tall.

She had just started eighth grade at a new school, Immaculate Conception, in Dardenne Prairie, where she was on the volleyball team. She had attended Fort Zumwalt public schools before that.

Amid all these positives, Tina says, her daughter decided to end a friendship with a girlfriend who lived down the street from them. The girls had spent much of seventh grade alternating between being friends and, the next day, not being friends, Tina says.

Part of the reason for Megan's rosy outlook was Josh, Tina says. After school, Megan would rush to the computer.

"Megan had a lifelong struggle with weight and self-esteem," Tina says. "And now she finally had a boy who she thought really thought she was pretty."

It did seem odd, Tina says, that Josh never asked for Megan's phone number. And when Megan asked for his, she says, Josh said he didn't have a cell and his mother did not yet have a landline.

And then on Sunday, Oct. 15, 2006, Megan received a puzzling and disturbing message from Josh. Tina recalls that it said: "I don't know if I want to be friends with you anymore because I've heard that you are not very nice to your friends."

Frantic, Megan shot back: "What are you talking about?"


Tina Meier was wary of the cyber-world of MySpace and its 70 million users. People are not always who they say they are.

Tina knew firsthand. Megan and the girl down the block, the former friend, once had created a fake MySpace account, using the photo of a good-looking girl as a way to talk to boys online, Tina says. When Tina found out, she ended Megan's access.

MySpace has rules. A lot of them. There are nine pages of terms and conditions. The long list of prohibited content includes sexual material. And users must be at least 14.

"Are you joking?" Tina asks. "There are fifth-grade girls who have MySpace accounts."

As for sexual content, Tina says, most parents have no clue how much there is. And Megan wasn't 14 when she opened her account. To join, you are asked your age but there is no check. The accounts are free.

As Megan's 14th birthday approached, she pleaded for her mom to give her another chance on MySpace, and Tina relented.

She told Megan she would be all over this account, monitoring it. Megan didn't always make good choices because of her ADD, Tina says. And this time, Megan's page would be set to private and only Mom and Dad would have the password.


Monday, Oct. 16, 2006, was a rainy, bleak day. At school, Megan had handed out invitations to her upcoming birthday party and when she got home she asked her mother to log on to MySpace to see if Josh had responded.

Why did he suddenly think she was mean? Who had he been talking to?

Tina signed on. But she was in a hurry. She had to take her younger daughter, Allison, to the orthodontist.

Before Tina could get out the door it was clear Megan was upset. Josh still was sending troubling messages. And he apparently had shared some of Megan's messages with others.

Tina recalled telling Megan to sign off.

"I will Mom," Megan said. "Let me finish up."

Tina was pressed for time. She had to go. But once at the orthodontist's office she called Megan: Did you sign off?

"No, Mom. They are all being so mean to me."

"You are not listening to me, Megan! Sign off, now!"

Fifteen minutes later, Megan called her mother. By now Megan was in tears.

"They are posting bulletins about me." A bulletin is like a survey. "Megan Meier is a slut. Megan Meier is fat."

Megan was sobbing hysterically. Tina was furious that she had not signed off.

Once Tina returned home she rushed into the basement where the computer was. Tina was shocked at the vulgar language her daughter was firing back at people.

"I am so aggravated at you for doing this!" she told Megan.

Megan ran from the computer and left, but not without first telling Tina, "You're supposed to be my mom! You're supposed to be on my side!"

On the stairway leading to her second-story bedroom, Megan ran into her father, Ron.

"I grabbed her as she tried to go by," Ron says. "She told me that some kids were saying horrible stuff about her and she didn't understand why. I told her it's OK. I told her that they obviously don't know her. And that it would be fine."

Megan went to her room and Ron went downstairs to the kitchen, where he and Tina talked about what had happened, the MySpace account, and made dinner.

Twenty minutes later, Tina suddenly froze in mid-sentence.

"I had this God-awful feeling and I ran up into her room and she had hung herself in the closet."

Megan Taylor Meier died the next day, three weeks before her 14th birthday.

Later that day, Ron opened his daughter's MySpace account and viewed what he believes to be the final message Megan saw - one the FBI would be unable to retrieve from the hard drive.

It was from Josh and, according to Ron's best recollection, it said, "Everybody in O'Fallon knows how you are. You are a bad person and everybody hates you. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would be a better place without you."


Tina and Ron saw a grief counselor. Tina went to a couple of Parents After Loss of Suicide meetings, as well.

They tried to message Josh Evans, to let him know the deadly power of mean words. But his MySpace account had been deleted.

The day after Megan's death, they went down the street to comfort the family of the girl who had once been Megan's friend. They let the girl and her family know that although she and Megan had their ups and down, Megan valued her friendship.

They also attended the girl's birthday party, although Ron had to leave when it came time to sing "Happy Birthday." The Meiers went to the father's 50th birthday celebration. In addition, the Meiers stored a foosball table, a Christmas gift, for that family.

Six weeks after Megan died, on a Saturday morning, a neighbor down the street, a different neighbor, one they didn't know well, called and insisted that they meet that morning at a counselor's office in northern O'Fallon.

The woman would not provide details. Ron and Tina went. Their grief counselor was there. As well as a counselor from Fort Zumwalt West Middle School.

The neighbor from down the street, a single mom with a daughter the same age as Megan, informed the Meiers that Josh Evans never existed.

She told the Meiers that Josh Evans was created by adults, a family on their block. These adults, she told the Meiers, were the parents of Megan's former girlfriend, the one with whom she had a falling out. These were the people who'd asked the Meiers to store their foosball table.

The single mother, for this story, requested that her name not be used. She said her daughter, who had carpooled with the family that was involved in creating the phony MySpace account, had the password to the Josh Evans account and had sent one message - the one Megan received (and later retrieved off the hard drive) the night before she took her life.

"She had been encouraged to join in the joke," the single mother said.

The single mother said her daughter feels the guilt of not saying something sooner and for writing that message. Her daughter didn't speak out sooner because she'd known the other family for years and thought that what they were doing must be OK because, after all, they were trusted adults.

On the night the ambulance came for Megan, the single mother said, before it left the Meiers' house her daughter received a call. It was the woman behind the creation of the Josh Evans account. She had called to tell the girl that something had happened to Megan and advised the girl not to mention the MySpace account.


The Meiers went home and tore into the foosball table.

Tina used an ax and Ron a sledgehammer. They put the pieces in Ron's pickup and dumped them in their neighbor's driveway. Tina spray painted "Merry Christmas" on the box.

According to Tina, Megan had gone on vacations with this family. They knew how she struggled with depression, that she took medication.

"I know that they did not physically come up to our house and tie a belt around her neck," Tina says. "But when adults are involved and continue to screw with a 13-year-old - with or without mental problems - it is absolutely vile.

"She wanted to get Megan to feel like she was liked by a boy and let everyone know this was a false MySpace and have everyone laugh at her.

"I don't feel their intentions were for her to kill herself. But that's how it ended."


That same day, the family down the street tried to talk to the Meiers. Ron asked friends to convince them to leave before he physically harmed them.

In a letter dated Nov. 30, 2006, the family tells Ron and Tina, "We are sorry for the extreme pain you are going through and can only imagine how difficult it must be. We have every compassion for you and your family."

The Suburban Journals have decided not to name the family out of consideration for their teenage daughter.

The mother declined comment.

"I have been advised not to give out any information and I apologize for that," she says. "I would love to sit here and talk to you about it but I can't."

She was informed that without her direct comment the newspaper would rely heavily on the police report she filed with the St. Charles County Sheriff's Department regarding the destroyed foosball table.

"I will tell you that the police report is totally wrong," the mother said. "We have worked on getting that changed. I would just be very careful about what you write."

Lt. Craig McGuire, spokesman for the sheriff's department, said he is unaware of anyone contacting the department to alter the report.

"We stand behind the report as written," McGuire says. "There was no supplement to it. What is in the report is what we believe she told us."

The police report - without using the mother's name - states:

"(She) stated in the months leading up Meier's daughter's suicide, she instigated and monitored a 'my space' account which was created for the sole purpose of communicating with Meier's daughter.

"(She) said she, with the help of temporary employee named ------ constructed a profile of 'good looking' male on 'my space' in order to 'find out what Megan (Meier's daughter) was saying on-line' about her daughter. (She) explained the communication between the fake male profile and Megan was aimed at gaining Megan's confidence and finding out what Megan felt about her daughter and other people.

"(She) stated she, her daughter and (the temporary employee) all typed, read and monitored the communication between the fake male profile and Megan …..

"According to (her) 'somehow' other 'my space' users were able to access the fake male profile and Megan found out she had been duped. (She) stated she knew 'arguments' had broken out between Megan and others on 'my space.' (She) felt this incident contributed to Megan's suicide, but she did not feel 'as guilty' because at the funeral she found out 'Megan had tried to commit suicide before.'"

Tina says her daughter died thinking Josh was real and that she never before attempted suicide.

"She was the happiest she had ever been in her life," Ron says.

After years of wearing braces, Megan was scheduled to have them removed the day she died. And she was looking forward to her birthday party.

"She and her mom went shopping and bought a new dress," Ron says. "She wanted to make this grand entrance with me carrying her down the stairs. I never got to see her in that dress until the funeral."


It does not appear that there will be criminal charges filed in connection with Megan's death.

"We did not have a charge to fit it," McGuire says. "I don't know that anybody can sit down and say, 'This is why this young girl took her life.'"

The Meiers say the matter also was investigated by the FBI, which analyzed the family computer and conducted interviews. Ron said a stumbling block is that the FBI was unable to retrieve the electronic messages from Megan's final day, including that final message that only Ron saw.

The Meiers do not plan to file a civil lawsuit. Here's what they want: They want the law changed, state or federal, so that what happened to Megan - at the hands of an adult - is a crime.


The Meiers are divorcing. Ron says Tina was as vigilant as a parent could be in monitoring Megan on MySpace. Yet she blames herself.

"I have this awful, horrible guilt and this I can never change," she said. "Ever."

Ron struggles daily with the loss of a daughter who, no matter how low she felt, tried to make others laugh and feel a little bit better.

He has difficulty maintaining focus and has kept his job as a tool and die maker through the grace and understanding of his employer, he says. His emotions remain jagged, on edge.

Christine Buckles lives in the same Waterford Crossing subdivision. In her view, everyone in the subdivision knows of Megan's death, but few know of the other family's involvement.

Tina says she and Ron have dissuaded angry friends and family members from vandalizing the other home for one, and only one, reason.

"The police will think we did it," Tina says.

Ron faces a misdemeanor charge of property damage. He is accused of driving his truck across the lawn of the family down the street, doing $1,000 in damage, in March. A security camera the neighbors installed on their home allegedly caught him.

It was Tina, a real estate agent, who helped the other family purchase their home on the same block 2½ years ago.

"I just wish they would go away, move," Ron says.

Vicki Dunn, Tina's aunt, last month placed signs in and near the neighborhood on the anniversary of Megan's death.

They read: "Justice for Megan Meier," "Call the St. Charles County Prosecuting Attorney," and "MySpace Impersonator in Your Neighborhood."

On the window outside Megan's room is an ornamental angel that Ron turns on almost every night. Inside are pictures of boys, posters of Usher, Beyonce and on the dresser a tube of instant bronzer.

"She was all about getting a tan," Ron says.

He has placed the doors back on the closet. Megan had them off.

If only she had waited, talked to someone, or just made it to dinner, then through the evening, and then on to the beginning of a new day in what could have been a remarkable life.

If she had, he says, there is no doubt she would have chosen to live. Instead, there is so much pain.

"She never would have wanted to see her parents divorce," Ron says.

Ultimately, it was Megan's choice to do what she did, he says. "But it was like someone handed her a loaded gun."

Current Mood: enragedenraged
Current Music: guitar hero

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October 26th, 2007

08:53 am - MonkeyPox IS REAL!!!!!
I have gone for a long time now thinking monkeypox was just something my boyfriend came up with. He thought it wasn't real too until we came upon the official CDC webpage!!!!!!!

This is a serious disease...but it still makes me giggle....

Here is the CDC Webpage for MonkeyPox


What is monkeypox?
Monkeypox is a rare viral disease that occurs mostly in central and western Africa. It is called "monkeypox" because it was first found in 1958 in laboratory monkeys. Blood tests of animals in Africa later found that other types of animals probably had monkeypox. Scientists also recovered the virus that causes monkeypox from an African squirrel. These types of squirrels might be the common host for the disease. Rats, mice, and rabbits can get monkeypox, too. Monkeypox was reported in humans for the first time in 1970.

Is there monkeypox in the United States?
In early June 2003, monkeypox was reported among several people in the United States. Most of these people got sick after having contact with pet prairie dogs that were sick with monkeypox. This is the first time that there has been an outbreak of monkeypox in the United States.

What causes monkeypox?
The disease is caused by Monkeypox virus. It belongs to a group of viruses that includes the smallpox virus (variola), the virus used in the smallpox vaccine (vaccinia), and the cowpox virus.

What are the signs and symptoms of monkeypox?
In humans, the signs and symptoms of monkeypox are like those of smallpox, but usually they are milder. Another difference is that monkeypox causes the lymph nodes to swell.

About 12 days after people are infected with the virus, they will get a fever, headache, muscle aches, and backache; their lymph nodes will swell; and they will feel tired. One to 3 days (or longer) after the fever starts, they will get a rash. This rash develops into raised bumps filled with fluid and often starts on the face and spreads, but it can start on other parts of the body too. The bumps go through several stages before they get crusty, scab over, and fall off. The illness usually lasts for 2 to 4 weeks.

Can you die from monkeypox?
In Africa, monkeypox has killed between 1 percent and 10 percent of people who get it. However, this risk would probably be lower in the United States, where nutrition and access to medical care are better.

How do you catch monkeypox?
People can get monkeypox from an animal with monkeypox if they are bitten or if they touch the animal's blood, body fluids, or its rash. The disease also can spread from person to person through large respiratory droplets during long periods of face-to-face contact or by touching body fluids of a sick person or objects such as bedding or clothing contaminated with the virus.

How do you treat monkeypox?
There is no specific treatment for monkeypox. In Africa, people who got the smallpox vaccine in the past had a lower risk of monkeypox. CDC has sent out guidelines explaining when smallpox vaccine should be used to protect against monkeypox. For example, people taking care of someone infected with monkeypox should think about getting vaccinated. Contact your state or local health department for more information.

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Current Mood: pOxALiCiOuS!

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October 21st, 2007

04:07 am - VampireZombie2

Happy Halloween!!!!!

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